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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28608237">Saudade</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/offgun07/pseuds/offgun07'>offgun07</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Babii, Our Skyy (TV), Our Skyy (TV) RPF, Thai Actor RPF, offgun, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV), ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF, รุ่นพี่ Secret Love | Senior Secret Love (TV), รุ่นพี่ Secret Love | Senior Secret Love (TV) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Controversial, Dark, Death, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Family, Freeform, I don't know what I'm doing, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sacrifice, Trauma, i have no idea how to the story progresses so...., offgun - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:40:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,010</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28608237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/offgun07/pseuds/offgun07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gun looked out of the window. It was pouring heavily. It was as if the entire sky was alive with all the thunder and lightning. All this gloom was usually seen as a bad omen. But Gun had always loved rain. Not because he wanted to jump in puddles or dance under the dark sky but because he took it as the perfect opportunity to curl up in his bed under the comforter with a mug of steaming hot chocolate and a book, with no one to disturb him. But today he sat idle on his settee with a box. A box filled with memories. Memories he liked to visit once in a while.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jane Ramida Jiranorraphat/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat, Jane Ramida Jiranorraphat/Mild Lapassalan Jiravechsoontornkul, New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Tay Tawan Vihokratana, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gun looked out of the window. It was pouring heavily. It was as if the entire sky was alive with all the thunder and lightning. All this gloom was usually seen as a bad omen. But Gun had always loved rain.Not because he wanted to jump in puddles or dance under the rumbling sky but because he took it as the perfect opportunity to curl up in his bed under the comforter with a mug of steaming hot chocolate and a book, with no one to disturb him. But today he sat idle on his settee with a box. A box filled with memories. Memories he liked to visit once in a while.</p><p>He pulled out a small vintage music box. It was stark black and had small black wooden panels running all around the box, like a protective armour. It had a small handle, that when spun, opened the box and out came a little boy instead of the usual ballerina. The handle on being spun more, made the box play a tune, to which the boy started slowly spinning around. As the music played he let the memory take over:</p><p>
  <em>"I got you something" said my captivator.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I chuckled and replied, "Well....? When will I get to see this 'something'?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Have some patience.....not much longer now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All was silent. The only sound was his labored breathing as the big clock tower struck 12. He then slowly removed the blindfold from my eyes. It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. The view in front of me was breathtaking. I turned to face him just as he took out a small cupcake from behind him. It was a simple vanilla with chocolate frosting. On top of it stood one lone candle. He slowly took out a lighter and lit the candle. "Happy birthday to you......"he sang, his face illuminated by the light of the single candle. Till his cracked voice finally stopped singing, tears were already streaming down my face. I slowly wiped them off as he whispered, "Happy birthday...." I somewhat managed a light smile. "Go ahead. Make a wish." I clasped my hands together and closed my eyes 'I wish we could stay like this forever.' I then blew out the candle.</em>
</p><p><em>He then brought out a small wooden box from his bag. It was quite dark so I couldn't make out its details, but it was black. He took my hand and led me to the other side of the tower where the city lights allowed me to inspect the mystery box further. He motioned me to sit down as he did the same. He slowly spun a small handle on the side of the box. Slowly the top of the box opened, revealing a small wooden boy, crafted so perfectly it looked like he was real and alive. His eyes held such emotion.</em> <em>He sat cross legged with his hands in his lap. He wore a simple over sized light shirt and denim shorts. His face held boyish features tied down with his eyes which held such struggle it made him look beyond his years. His fair legs held scars, scars that defined him.The scars that looked out of place but showed his journey so far. The handle on being spun more, made the box play a tune, to which the boy started slowly spinning around. </em></p><p>
  <em>"It's you. I made him myself. You like it?" He asked me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I sat still, I couldn't move. His eyes, laced with worry looked my way."I'm sorry if I upset you I didn't think it was such a good idea to start with. But then I thought that you probably wouldn't like it if I spent some money on a gift. So I made this. I mean Tay helped me with the box but I made the boy myse--"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My sudden hug stopped his rambling."Thank you. This is the most anyone has ever done for me. Thank you. And I love it. Thank you. </em>
  <em>You wouldn't believe how much this matters to me now. This is now my most- no, only prized possession." His face scrunched up in sadness. "What? What did I say?" I asked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What about me?" "Huh?" he wasn't making any sense. "You said this was your only and most prized possession. What about me? Am I not yours?" he finished with a pout. Oh... he looked so adorable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh my dear god! Are you seriously jealous of a MUSIC BOX?! That too, the one YOU made?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His pout remained, now accompanied with mock annoyance. Ouffff......I couldn't take it anymore. While he was staring into oblivion, I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a peck on his cheek. Suddenly his expression morphed into pure happiness. He looked happier than a kid on Christmas morning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As I was busy being mesmerized by the box, he pulled me in his arms. I was stiff for a moment. When he realised that he let go of me. But I soon recovered and pulled him close. We stood like like for a few minutes, which honestly felt like eternity.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I looked up at him and smiled," Thank you," I whispered. He looked happy," It was not THAT hard, yes it took quite some time, but I --" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"For everything. Thank you for loving me and being there for me. Thank you for letting me stand by you. And thank you, for being you," I continued.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He had on an expression I couldn't decipher. He then bent down slightly and I met him halfway there. The moment our lips crashed together, it felt like an explosion. At that moment I forgot who I was and so did he. He was opened an unending flow of something inside me, a Pandora's box of  fireworks, a something I thought I had lost a long time ago. He felt like he was starved of me and when he finally found me, he consumed me entirely, leaving nothing behind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Right then I felt that there was nothing more for for me, nothing but his love for me. The way he whispers his sweet nothings when I'm down, the way he could strip me bare and vulnerable just by looking at me, the way he rests his head on my chest just so he can hear my heart beat.</em>
  <em> At that moment I had a revelation. There was nothing more for this man than to love and cherish me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I couldn't survive without him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-------------------------</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>T/W : Bullying, mental instability, self harm,violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What kind of a sick human are you?!" the lad's mother cried out in horror, holding her child close to her.</p>
<p>
  <em>I had been walking to college when I saw a little girl getting picked on by a few teenagers. She looked shabby. Her hair, unkempt and dress, patched up. Her shoes were torn and laces, missing. She held a small bag in her calloused hands. She was crouching against the wall in a fetal position. Her arms were scrapped against the asphalt, drawing blood.</em>
</p>
<p><em>I noticed</em> <em>that out of the five teens, two were girls. They were dressed skimpy, both wore ankle boots, denim short shorts. They also wore heavy makeup. If I hadn't seen their faces they would've probably looked like hookers. The rest of the guys wore those cheap bandannas, jeans that were falling off their hips and had chains around their necks and wrists. Laconically speaking, they were kids who were too big for their britches.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>One of the girls motioned, "Troy, bring her closer I want to see if that ugly face looks anything like that slut."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A guy, I'm guessing Troy, picked her up and shoved her against the wall. The little girl looked like she was about to faint, but she stood strong.</em>
</p>
<p><em>I was walking away.</em> <em>But slowly she turned her head at looked me dead in the eye. I thought she would be crying by now, but no. Her face was blank. As if she was used to people throwing her around. But I somehow felt a tug in my heart. I could see myself in her eyes. Though she didn't speak, I could feel her asking for help. I walked away. After a few steps, I sighed, 'Oh god. I'm going to be late for class.'</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I went back and as one of the girl was about to slap the kid, I stopped her hand midway and pushed it away. She looked surprised but then smirked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ahh. I get it. The bitch called another mommy cause her real one isn't there" then she laughed hysterically like a maniac.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, so we're dealing with an idiot who obviously can't distinguish between a guy and a girl. I sighed. I'm probably going to miss the first class.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I looked at her with a cold glare. She, being the dumb lass she was, motioned one of the boys to "handle" me. He came up to me, towering over me. I smirked. He grabbed my collar, I stepped on his feet, hard. He looked down just as my knuckles made contact with his nose. I heard his nose break and it started bleeding.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Shit. What the-" he didn't get to finish as I pushed him down and kicked him till his face was all bloody. When I looked up only the idiotic girl was there. Good, I get to do what I wanted to.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I went up real close to her. She stepped back and dragged the kid, who was now once again slumped against the wall, by her hair. She's got some guts.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'Eh. Good for her? Oh no. Not good at all', I smirked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Y-you better not come closer else I'll rip his hair off."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I looked at the kid in slight confusion. Were they a boy? I shook my head. That's a thing for another time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>" Go ahead do it. But see if i let you out of here alive."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ha! You wouldn't h-hit a girl" she said with some uncertainty in her voice. Gotcha!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh I'm not only gonna hit you, baby girl. I've got quite some tricks up my sleeve. Wanna try me?" I said in a sultry voice. She shivered but i could see her eyelids flutter and pupils dilate. Oh god. She was more messed up than I thought. But I continued. I took the chance and grabbed her hair and pulled hard. She came out of her lust and screamed like a banshee.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"Leave</em> <em>me! You psycho! HELP! Someone! MOM!!"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I chuckled darkly. She had no one to help. Ah...those pleas sounded so euphoric. I slammed her against the wall. Her shoulder had a deep gash on it.</em>
</p>
<p><em>I came</em> <em>in real close to her, grabbed her arms while my nails were digging in her flesh and i could see red. I whispered," You sure I won't hurt you? Baby girl, I haven't even started. When I do, you're not gonna wanna survive. Not because i'll kill you. Oh no. But because I'll push you so far on the edge that you'll be the holding the blade against yourself."</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Now I could see the fear in her. She was shaking like a leaf. What a sight!</em>
</p>
<p><em>Fortunately</em> <em>for her before I could do anything more, a lady walked in on our little "talk".</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Katlyn? Honey? Is that you?! Oh god!! WHA-" she stopped when she saw the guy lying unconscious on the pavement and her daughter crumpled against the wall.</em>
</p>
<p>And that's how we got here.</p>
<p>Her eyes widened comically. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER!?!?"</p>
<p>She was now cradling her. I just chuckled.</p>
<p>"H-he-he wil-will kill m-me. M-mom..h-h-hel-help me... pl-plea-please." Katlyn rambled on and on in a quivering voice. Okay. It was safe to assume that she was shaken. While the mom was busy pacifying her child, I grabbed the kid and walked out of the alley.</p>
<p>I thought she would look at me in horror but instead she was....blank?</p>
<p>I sighed. The college can manage one day without me.</p>
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